The other day, I was at the cafe with Alex and Paul. They were talking bad about a girl we knew.
"I have no problem with her," I said. Truth be told, I barely knew her.
"She talks about you behind your back," Paul replied.
I was curious. Like I said, we didn't know each other very well. "What she said?"
"She said you have no boobs."
Alex held me tighter. I guess he expected me to be furious. I laughed.
First off, I have a decent cup size. I like my boobs. Even if I was flat as a wall I wouldn't care. It has nothing to do with my character.
Second, this girl was insecure because I dated her boyfriend for, like, two months back in sophomore year. Did I mention I'm a freshman in college, and I've dated other guys since then? I'm still friends with her ex, so she's worried I'll try to steal him away enough to convince him she has better boobs. I have NO feelings for this guy whatsoever. Even if I wasn't with Alex I wouldn't look at him like that. I don't even think he's cute.
So today was supposed to be a randomly awesome day. We went to the cafe then Circle Park, the playground, to discuss matters of the faith and watch the parade. After the parade, Brennan, Brandon - who had just gotten into RCIA that day and was super excited - and I were walking to Brandon's car to head back to the cafe when we met up with a guy we know called Lane. Since Brandon is super-excited about becoming Catholic. Lane proceeded to tell us about what douchebags Catholics are and how the Catholic Church was going to fall in five years. Why are people so hateful?
Ok, it didn't start out very Sabbath-y. My mom was arguing with my dad over the phone and I didn't want to hear it so I went over to the cafe. Brandon, on of the workers, announced that he had decided he wanted to get confirmed. He was returning to his faith. That morning was a test for him. He had went to St. Anthony's in the morning then went to a nondenominational service. He said going to the nondenominational service was too informal. It was like going to a concert. So instead of doing homework we talked about Catholicism. Then my old religion teacher Mr. Reed shows up and joins in the conversation. Then my best friend and devout Catholic Addie shows up so all in all it was a very Christ-centered day. Oh, and I went to Fr. Clint's mass. The reverence and adoration he has for the Eucharist is astounding. True, today ended with my parents fighting some more, but for the most part it was the best day of my life.
Fr. Sunny was another thorn in my side. He's a priest, but a misguided one. He believed that Jesus didn't really multiply the loaves and fish to feed five thousand, but it was the miracle of sharing. Like Jesus is Barney or something. He told Brandon that Brandon wouldn't be able to go to the full mass, which isn't true. Then he asked me if I ever considered religious life and I told him I was entertaining the thought. When he asked if I was going to join a cloister, I informed him that I was soon going to be a godmother and wanted to be there to walk the journey of faith with my godchild and if he needed to be able to run to my door at three in the morning, therefore a cloister wasn't very practical. He then proceeded to accuse me of picking and choosing God's will for me. I'm glad that I've had previous experience with Fr. Sunny or I would have been very offended.
Despite the bumps in the road, today was one of the best days of my life.
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---------------- Now playing: Nelly Furtado - Forca via FoxyTunesIt was just a typical Sunday night of pool at D.C.’s with the crew. For me that was exactly how it started out, until he walked in.
His name was Eric. He was tall and lanky and always had that same weathered LSU hat perched atop his head. Just a short month before Eric had shattered my heart. He ended the relationship we had.I had flaws, but I always put him first, even to the point of abandoning everyone else. I was never cruel even when he did not call and blocked mine. I gave him everything I had, but he threw it back in my face. To him, I was no longer beautiful, just broken, and I was far from over him.
My eyes never left Eric as he walked to a group of mutual friends to say hello. I turned back and caught my best friend Alex’s eyes.
“You okay?” Alex mouthed.
I shrugged and rolled my eyes before striking up a conversation with Katelyn and Kylie who were sitting with us. Alex knew I was far from okay.
It did not take long for Eric to make his way to our table and attempt to make friendly conversation with everyone but me. Katelyn loyally ignored him. Kylie, who I was not that close to, was friendly toward Eric. Alex said as little as possible to still be considered polite.
Anger flared inside me. Why did Eric think he could just pick and choose which parts of my life he could still be involved in? What gave him the right to ignore me? Why did he keep looking at me like trash? The worst was, despite everything, I still wanted him to flash that rare smile in my direction. I wanted him next to me. I wanted to make him laugh.
As Eric left our table to talk to someone else, he gave me the most piercing, angry look I had ever seen. I could not just sit there anymore. I walked straight toward Eric.
“Whatever happened to being civil?” I spat.
He gave me the same exasperated look a parent gives a disobedient child. “Outside.”
I started speaking before he had the chance. “Listen, we have the same friends now. We have to try being civil. I get that we can’t be close again, but we have to try to be friends for the sake of the crew.”
“We could never be friends again. Too much has happened between us.”
“I’m willing to be friends.”
Eric cut me off with a shake of his head. “I don’t want to try to be friends again. I don’t see the point. I don’t want you in my life.”
It was just like that day at his house when he told me it was over. I could not say the things that were running through my head. It felt like everything was hitting me at once.
“Listen,” Eric said. “We have the same friends. We have to try being civil.”
I was in shock. Here he was, pretending to be the good guy by parroting what I had just said.
“Whatever,” I said, just so he would leave.
Eric held the door open for me. “I’m not going in right now.” There was no way I could face those people when I had just realized that night I would have to decide if I would wake up in the morning or not. Eric shrugged and left me sitting on the sidewalk.
Almost immediately after Eric left Alex walked out and sat beside me.
“You okay?” he asked for the second time that night.
I nodded. We sat in silence.
“He’s an idiot for losing you,” Alex said abruptly.
I was starting to understand why Alex stood by my side through it all, even though it must have been hard to watch me cry over a guy who was far from worth the tears. So many times when I would have understood if he had decided he could not take it and walk away he hugged me tight until I stopped and listened to me every time I had to talk. He knew that it would be a while before I was ready for another relationship; there was no guarantee it would be with him. Still, Alex never abandoned me. He loved me. He was the light I needed to pull myself out of darkness. Most importantly, he taught me what love was – unselfish, unwavering, and patient – and that broken imperfect me was worth it.
"Suffering is inevitable. Persevering is optional." I'm a Roman Catholic soldier for Christ and I'm ready to prove it. I love arguing with people about politics and religion. I was once a wild soul only God could (and did) tame. You think I'm ignorant and a fool? Try me.
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